Wants & Needs

I don't know what I want anymore
I don't know what I need
I'm not sure what I'm searching for
Or even if I am anymore.

It all just seems to be gone
Pointless
Meaningless
Not worth the fight.

I want you, but only to protect me
To guard me from myself
But last time I asked that of you
You withdrew!

I need you to touch me again
To scald me with your touch
To burn in me a sense
That I can feel again.

Your arms wrapped around me
I need the simplicity
I need to be away
from everything.

I have so many crutches
addictions, none of them good
But you. You are beauty
You are perfection
Holy, in a way a man should not be!

It is sacreligious that I think of you this way
I'm not sure that I can believe in the
things of my youth.
I need to feel - I've lost my faith

I've lost my way, and deep down
in a crevice hidden deep in my heart
There is the sound of my soul breaking
A long hidden sob crying out
And if you listen carefully & quietly you can hear it!

I don't know how to do this without you
I don't know how to find my way back
I'm not sure I can do this
Crawl back from the darkness that is in my mind
Memory is a constant reminder of
what I've allowed to be created in order to hide.

I need you. I need somebody. I need.....to be fixed.
Isn't that what you said you did.
Can I not come to you, and ask that you heal me
Put your hands on me, and burn away the dark,
the sin, the horror, the blackness that I have become.