Inside

I don't go out anymore
Not really
I stay at home
I watch TV
And sleep, sleep
perchance to dream

I am afraid
Of the dark
Of the night
Of being alone
So I hide myself

I am in a desert now
Wandering without food or water
Or anything like that
I cannot express to those around me
But I'm slowly dying inside
I don't let anyone close anymore
It's hard & it hurts

They think I'm developing a thick skin
That I'm maturing
and growing
But I'm fading
and dying
And they don't understand
don't want to understand
don't know how to understand
And do not know what questions to ask anyway.

You

The smell of you lingers for a moment more
Before it disappears
And the feel of your arms wrapped around me
slowly the sensation leaves
And the rain will keep on falling
And I'll pretend that
It doesn't hurt
To say goodbye!

And I don't know when I'll see you again
And it won't be the same anyway
Because this time
I saw you
You
Who you really are
You, who will be there for me
In my darkest hour
You, who I will never call
because I couldn't let
You
see me like that!

And right now, for a moment
the darkness pulls me in
I listen to sad songs
And dream that you are still near
and remember the moment
when I really saw you.

And I miss you
and my heart hurts
but only for a moment
because it always hurts to feel
and so I don't allow it for very long
especially goodbyes.

So, so long for now
and maybe it'll be a year
and maybe it will be two
Or maybe a lifetime
And maybe I'll pick up the phone
one day, when the pain is too much
and say those words
I need you
Or maybe I won't need to.
Maybe the pain of feeling anything
won't be so bad anymore

So dear, dear one
My Gorgeous
This is a poem for you
And don't read too much into it
'cos I write it as I still feel the pain
of yet another goodbye
And I promise to write brighter poetry
again, someday soon!

Live well, live bright
Live strong and Live long
At least until you're 80 years old
For me at least
So long.